Healing a broken heart

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When your heart is broken what do you do to make the healing begin?

Some people eat comfort food, some exercise,some seek comfort in the company of others while others hibernate and cry. Everyone seems to have a method that works best for them.

For me when things don't make sense or I am very sad I find comfort in forcing myself to create something. I think it makes things better because I am forced to think outside of the painful box I am in and put that energy to use in a positive way. For me making things is how I cope. It is a big part of who I am few things make me as happy as designing and making something pretty.

My Mom was the same way before she started getting Alzheimers. She was my crafting mentor as far back as I can remember. She taught me to crochet,cross stitch,sew,Native American beading and leather work,latch hook and plastic canvas sculpture. I taught her about knitting,soap and candle making and beadweaving as well as other crafts. This has made for many great memories, I am so glad we shared this part of ourselves with each other.

Mom was always proud of my crafting skills and was excited that people were willing to give me money for the things I make and that she got them for free..

Over the last year or so Mom had been downsizing and getting rid of a lot of her stuff to simplify her life. She said it was just stuff she didn't need and she was only keeping things she needed. I was so very touched last week when my Brother and I were packing up her apartment to find that she had kept almost all the things I had made for her over the years;she felt they were some of the things she needed to keep.

So all of the things I had to do to put Mom's affairs to rest are done and everyone has went home. This last week I have had way to much time on my hands to think and be sad so instead of continuing down that path I started channeling my energy into making things again.

I have had a productive couple of days and it had helped some. Above are a few of the things I have made I'll be posting photos of some other things soon.

In my mind I can hear Mom saying "it's time for you to get off your ass and get something done" LoL I hear ya Ma.........

A tale of two Moms

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gingerbell/237014485/in/set-72157594273852754/


The two lovely women in the photo are my Mother Bea and my Mother in law Modesta. This photo was taken of them on the day they met at a housewarming party when we moved into our house 3 years ago. Jose and I have been together for over 20 years but because they lived in different states had never met.

These two women shared many things in life tho they came from two very different backgrounds and didn't speak the same language. They both had a very keen sense of humor, loved to play games and were well loved by their children. They enjoyed baseball,animals,good food and flowers. They both had many Brothers and sisters most of who had passed away before them.

Sadly 6 months ago on February 12th sweet Modesta passed away surrounded by her children and her Husband. Her loss has been heartbreaking and has left us all with great sadness in our hearts but also great joy that she was in our lives and we knew we are all better for being loved by her.

It is with a heavy heart that I write that on the 12th of August My Mom Bea passed away very suddenly while Jose and I were out of town. I would like to say that when she left this world she was surrounded by those who loved her as Modesta was but this is one thing they didn't share. She passed alone and this more then any thing fills me with a sense of sorrow and guilt even tho I know that there was no way I could have prevented her passing. Had I have been with her would it have made it easier for her to go; could I have told her I loved her and held her as she did me on the day I was born; if I begged her not to go would God have heard me, did she wait till I left for vacation so I couldn't beg her to stay with me. I'll never know and because they won't let us see her to say goodbye my brother and I will have to remember her as she was the last time we were with her.

I am so grateful that my brother and his wife were able to travel here from Oregon so we could be together. It was never easy for Mom because she raised us on her own and it was always the 3 of us against the odds and it is right that we should be together to do what has to be done.

Later this week per her request we will be spreading some of her ashes in the Wabash River and My brother will be taking the rest to the pacific ocean that she loved.

I don't make this post to make anyone sad but to share these two special women with others and to say.......Take every opportunity to show your Mother how much she means to you and cherish your times together; in the blink on an eye they can be gone..

Even tho Mom could be a pain in the ass sometimes I would give anything to hear her voice on my answering machine saying "Ginger this is your Mother call me, I love you."

I love you too Mom!